Teresa Augello raised Alicia all by herself in the chaotic streets of Hell's Kitchen in New York City and taught her how to be empathetic and kind. CONAN: Well, we want to find out if those attitudes translate into the experiences of single mothers. One important message I would like to get out to all the single parents reading this article: It is extremely important that you find nurturing things for you! She returned to Honolulu in 1963; she and Obama divorced in 1964. support receipt. Ms. POLS: It's funny - if the survey had said, for instance, instead of, you know, do you think that single mothers raising children without fathers or without male figures are bad for society? But I'm single in a category that rarely gets acknowledged. The American family has changed. Once again, the quality of the relationships in a childs life determines his or her mental wellbeing. Fifty-three percent are solo mothers, who tend to vote Democrat, and the majority are part of the vast millennial generation ranging from age 24to 39. The statistical impacts of being raised by a single parent (like lower average scores on standardized tests, poorer grades and an increased likelihood of dropping out of high school or failing to attend college) may be stronger for sons, but they affect daughters too. When lives are reduced to numbers on a page, we are in danger of losing touch with our humanity. You know, boy, you were really lucky. 8. And not to say that there aren't wonderful, wonderful responsible fathers, but I think just our societal inclination is to say CONAN: Anyway. Others find themselves without a partner through divorce or abandonment. I devoted my life to being his mom. CONAN: It's interesting. And for the last couple of years, his dad has been out of work. She is corn-fed, white-bread, whatever Kenya is not. In the public square, the consensus view about the importance of fathers was best articulated by Barack Obama, in speeches at churches and colleges across the country. We live in an upper-middle-class economic, socioeconomic area. The history of the United States is filled with stories of single mothers raising successful men. Chetty and his colleagues set out to determine the most powerful neighborhood factors behind the gap in economic mobility for poor Black and white boys. It was impossible not to be struck forcefully by the similarities, and the dissimilarities, between them. I don't feel I'm looked down on, but finding other couples, friends at my son's school is hard. All the men in the film, including the directors son, adopted loving and supportive men to fill the role of their father. In 1970, 31 percent of single-mother families were black, 68 percent were white, and 1 percent were "other race." In 2013, the figures were 30 percent black, 62 percent white, and 8 percent "other." Readers should bear in mind that the terms "unmarried . Each of their stories were the very thing that pushed me to complete this film (which I did with my own savings and credit cards). And I kept asking the parents, and I knew that they were, you know, they were very religious people, and I felt that when I had explained my situation to them, they had looked somewhat askance on me. WATCH LIVE: Merrick Garland testifies before Senate Judiciary Committee, The Left's utopian open border policies are unsustainable, No bail and no brains: Seattle judge releases accused mass shooter. I was widowed when my children were in elementary school. Angelina Jolie's parents, Jon Voight and Marcheline Bertrand, separated when the Mr. and Mrs. Smithactress was an infant. That's five years before he becomes a community development person in Chicago.". The remaining 41% of single father household heads are living with a partner. The land of opportunity where "the son of a single mom can be president of the greatest nation on Earth," as President Obama put it in his State of the Union speech Tuesday. Im aspiring to be anti-racist and patriotic. You know, where do I fit in? Sean Grover, L.C.S.W., is an author and psychotherapist who leads one of the largest group therapy practices in the United States. I combed through tattered field notebooks, boxes of personal and professional papers, letters to friends, photo albums, the archives of the Ford Foundation in Midtown Manhattan, and the thousand-page thesis that took Dunham fifteen years to complete. She works for Time magazine, and she joined us from Maine Public Broadcasting Network in Portland. The history of the United States is filled with stories of single mothers raising successful men. According to the latest available data, 13.4% had no health coverage. Most notably, households headed by single fathers appear to be much better off financially when compared with those headed by single mothers. The educational attainment of single father householders is markedly lower than that of married father householders. SHELLY (Caller): Hi. Mr. MORAN: Interesting. While the bulk of single fathers among younger men are cohabiting, the reverse is true for fathers ages 40 and oldermost of these single fathers have no spouse or partner in their household. I met with bankers in glass towers in Jakarta where, nearly two decades before Muhammad Yunus and Grameen Bank shared the Nobel Peace Prize for their work with microcredit, Dunham worked on the largest self-sustaining commercial microfinance program in the world. And at some point, I found this quote by her where - she was a single mother, and I think she may have had her child under somewhat unusual circumstances with someone who was a friend or something like that. We're all living the family dynamic, as parents, as children, as siblings, uncles and aunts. So I had a very strong, established network. Men can become more involved parents and the children of single mothers can gain positive career role models. Roughly two thirds received free or reduced-price meals. (Pew Research, 2019) Conversely, the . You can also find endless lists online of inventors and innovators, Olympic athletes, and musicians who were raised by single mothers. Fathers who are living in a household headed by someone else are excluded from the analysis, as are fathers whose children are not living with them. [Obama] said that he did think of her as a bit that way, but he didn't think of it as a pejorative. I just think that the way that couples socialize tends to be with other couples. He joined us from the Pew Research Center here in Washington, D.C. We're going to continue with Mary Pols, and we want to hear from single moms today. And many of the children I work with are raised in single-mother households. CONAN: Bye-bye. How do people treat you? And so my whole life, Ive tried to be for Michelle and my girls what my father was not for my mother and me, he told the graduates of Morehouse College in 2013. the wrong one. So you have to ask, compared to what? I traveled twice to Indonesia, where she brought her son, at six, and from whence she sent him back, alone, at age ten, to her parents in Hawaii. Email us, talk@npr.org. The men also exhibit sensitivity and compassion for their absent fathers. IN A PERFECT WORLD also follows the lives of eight men from different socioeconomic backgrounds and cultures who were raised by single mothers and reveals how they triumphed over their fathers abandonment and went on to become outstanding fathers themselves. 3. But, you know, people are going to think what they're going to think, and you just kind of have to get back to doing what you're doing, which is working really hard for your child. His elastic-band body bespoke discipline, even asceticism. Tell us your story. The Times is introducing Well Family, a new online report with expanded coverage of parenting, childhood health and relationships to help every family live well.Readmore, I cant promise that our foster son can stay with us, but I can I try to prepare him for the possibility of leaving without adding to his fear. Biden and Harris have shown the many positive qualities that being a single parent or being raised by one inspires. Mr. MORAN: Good question. Heres what she had to say: Do you think there are any positive aspects of boys growing up without fathers? Mr. MORAN: Exactly right. But now, progressives are calling into question even the kids-benefit-from-fathers argument Obama made so powerfully and poignantly. You know, I have one single-mom friend who says that she feels a little bit as though some people think: Okay, are you here to get my husband? Moffett was adopted in 1970 and raised by a white couple, Blair and Patricia Moffett . Causation is unclear, but correlation isnt: over all, men and boys are struggling in a changed environment. About 4 out 10 children were born to unwed mothers. Analysis of long-term time use data shows that fathers are narrowing the still sizable gap with mothers in the amount of time they spend with their children. More often than not, when I tell people that Im a single mother by choice, they say Good for you!Politicians who recognize and support these shifts in the shapes of the American family will gain more votes. And many women who were financially secure find themselves suddenly in a very different financial situation after divorce. I had to earn respect by proving that I could effectively raise my son on my own. He was raised by his mother May Smith until he was 4 years old, at which point his grandparents took over the primary parenting responsibilities. Obama Sr. stayed in school in Hawaii, and Dunham returned to Seattle with her newborn baby, Barack. Children raised by single mothers are more likely to fare worse on a number of dimensions, including their school achievement, their social and emotional development, their health and their . I am not a fan of single motherhood being myself a single mother of two small children. But he has been an active part in my son's life. It's not been good. TANF benefit levels for a family of three, as of 2020, were less than 30% of the poverty line in 33 states and the District of Columbia and above 50% in none. Vicky Waltz. To all parents: Dont break the bank to send your kids to their dream school, What a new dad learned in COVID lockdown about politics, responsibility and 'women's work', Your California Privacy Rights/Privacy Policy. But the characterizations of Obama's mother first as "a white anthropologist from Kansas" and then as "a single mother on food stamps" and "the woman who died of cancer while fighting with her insurance company at the end of her life" don't encompass who she was, the unconventional life she led or the influence she had on the future president of the United States, says writer Janny Scott. CONAN: Here's an email we have from Cynthia(ph) in Billings. A similar conclusion comes from a study of 39 nations: Children were better off if they were raised by a single mother than by two married parents who were arguing all the time. Families headed by single mothers are among the poorest households, more than a third lived in poverty, and as such, are extremely vulnerable to homelessness. President Barack Obama was raised by his mother, Stanley Ann Dunham, from the time that he was born until he was 4 years old, when she married Lolo Soetoro. Most notably, those who are cohabiting are younger, less educated and less financially well-off than their counterparts who are not living with a spouse or partner. This is what makes the new documentary IN A PERFECT WORLD such an important and timely film. Though a small percentage, they represent more than 90% of all TANF families. Single motherhood has grown so common in America that today 80 percent of single-parent families are headed by single mothers nearly a third live in poverty. She met the camera head-on, dressed in hand-loomed textile dyed the color of indigo, a silver earring half hidden in the cascading curtain of her dark hair. It's the very definition of a vicious cycle, and anecdotes about personal experience or presidents raised by single mothers can't change the numbers or explain them. While this family unit is the ideal, many Church members find themselves in a variety of other circumstances, including in single-parent families. My reason was that I know how hard it is to be the sole economic and nurturing support and that our society does so little help. " (My mother) came here from India at age 19 to pursue her dream of curing cancer," Harris said. They gave me a bag lunch and little help. And during that time, everybody that I met said: Well, you'll never get full custody. Everyone agrees, or most everyone, that the best possible situation is a loving mother and father raising a child. She had an Indonesian daughter and an Indonesian husband at the time. One in five millennials is a single dad. Just over half (56%) of single fathers are white, as are 45% of single mothers and two-thirds (66%) of married fathers. Single fathers are much less likely to be black15% areas compared with single mothers (28%), but more likely to be black than fathers in married two-parent households (7%). For more details, see. A new Pew Research poll found that among all those possible configurations, moms raising kids on their own are considered bad for society. The M.I.T. And I'll take the answer off the air. Families headed by women of color fared even worse. I can't come, you know, have his dad do something about it. And comments like that, you know. PAIGE (Caller): Hi, thank you for taking my call. SHELLY: Of course. Single fathers who are married but not living with their spouse are classified as having no spouse or partner in the household. Some of their husbands are abusers. Its the very definition of a vicious cycle, and anecdotes about personal experience or presidents raised by single mothers cant change the numbers or explain them. ADEL: Question number four: Yes, my child doesn't have a father, and I will be - and I run into that I can't tell you how much. My children's lives are much less dysfunctional than they would be if their father was in their life. They know and believe in their hearts that, really, children are better off being raised by two loving parents. I was very careful about dating and so forth until she was like a senior in high school because my main concern was to be a good father. Global single parent statistics. Click on TALK OF THE NATION. It's the TALK OF THE NATION from NPR News. 14. In 1990, about 498,000 single fathers were cohabiting (39% of single father households), and in 2011 that number had more than doubled to 1.1 million. Peggy Drexler will discuss her book "Raising Boys Without Men" this Thursday. But, for me professionally, you know, I grew up thinking that Pauline Kael was - you know, the movie critic from The New Yorker Ms. POLS: was just a goddess. Like single mothers, single fathers are typically less educated and less well-off than their married counterparts. all families. I'm fascinated by this subject. I want to be a better father, a better husband, a better man. No one could doubt that President Obama understood how much fathers mattered for their kids. One of my son's friends at Montessori preschool, you know, he's just always asking: Can we have a play date with him? 10, Single mothers are much more likely to be poor than married couples. From Lynn(ph): I'm lucky in that I'm an older mom, 40 when I had my son. Reprinted by arrangement with Riverhead, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. First Family Fabrics: Batiks From Obama's Mother, Indonesia And Obama's Personal Path To Democracy, President's Sister Pays Homage To Mother In Children's Book, Obama's Sister: U.S. To See A Family Tapestry. The men featured IN A PERFECT WORLD quietly grew into and embraced their role of dad. Men raised by women are often more sensitive and attuned emotionally. We're talking about a Pew survey that found attitudes towards single motherhood to be, well, about seven and 10 of Americans thought it was bad for society. Mary Pols, thanks very much. And Andrew Jackson's father, like Bill Clinton's, died before he was born. There's no dad here. Later in the hour, an update on Libya and our last installment of Oscar-nominated documentaries: "Gasland." It doesn't mean you can't grow up to be president. Famous Men You'd Want To Have A Beer With, The 50+ Most Beautiful Influencers Of 2023. This is the case for fathers with same-sex and opposite-sex partners. Director Daphne McWilliams bravely explores the health and hardiness of men raised by single mothers. George Washington's mother, Mary, became a widow when he was 11. The number of single father households has increased about ninefold since 1960, from less than 300,000 to more than 2. . Barack Obama Snr died in 1982, 11 years after he had last seen his son Barack Jnr at Christmas in 1971, when he was 10 years old. Theres only one problem with this revisionist effort that relies on cherry picking a few findings to fit its narrative: it obscures the full truth from the sciences about the importance of two-parent families for kids. His father didn't abandon his family, but Clinton never met his father. Intentionally or not, the label obscures an extraordinary storyof a girl with a boy's name who grew up in the years before the civil rights movement, the women's movement, the Vietnam War, and the Pill; who married an African at a time when nearly two dozen states still had laws against interracial marriage; who, at age twenty-four, moved to Jakarta with her son in the waning days of an anti-communist bloodbath in which hundreds of thousands of Indonesians are believed to have been slaughtered; who lived more than half of her adult life in a place barely known to most Americans, in an ancient and complex culture, in a country with the largest Muslim population in the world; who spent years working in villages where an unmarried, Western woman was a rarity; who immersed herself in the study of a sacred craft long practiced exclusively by men; who, as a working and mostly single mother, brought up two biracial children; who adored her children and believed her son in particular had the potential to be great; who raised him to be, as he has put it jokingly, a combination of Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, and Harry Belafonte, then died at fifty-two, never knowing who or what he would become. In 1966, Dunham married Lolo Soetoro, an Indonesian man studying in Honolulu on a student visa. You can be both, President Trump. In Obama's presidential campaign, she was the struggling single mother, the food stamp recipient, the victim of a health-care system gone awry, pleading with her insurance company for coverage as her life slipped away. "At the University of California, Berkeley, she met my father, Donald Harris . 3 Miracles Of Children Raised by Single Mothers 1. Mr. MORAN: You know, that could be the case. CONAN: Rich Moran, I wonder: Have you got any kind of database that can show whether attitudes have changed over the years? The biggest factor? Thanks for the invitation. And I'll give a for-instance. The woman was Stanley Ann Dunham, his mother. Among children living with mother only, 38.1% lived in poverty. Although the Affordable Care Act will give more low-income single mothers access to health insurance, nearly half of these families reside in states that have declined to expand their Medicaid programs. He's now a freshman in college. Indeed, children raised by single mothers are even more likely to reach higher professional and educational levels than children raised in households headed by a stepfather or single father . Scott says she doesn't know of any problems between Obama and his mother, but there were some indications that his mother felt some sadness about the physical distance between them. While 61% of single fathers living with no spouse or partner are white, this share is 49% for cohabiting single fathers. Jolie was raised by her mother and she was estranged from her father for many years. 2023 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Satellite Information Network, LLC. In terms of racial and ethnic composition, cohabiting single dads are much less likely to be white and much more likely to be Hispanic. And as you know, studies suggest the children pay the price. I'm often told what a good job I have done. Copyright 2011 NPR. The authoritative record of NPRs programming is the audio record. Nice to have you with us today. But that's not at all the description that I get from people who knew her as a colleague close friends of hers. Join us to talk about education, child care, mealtime, sports, technology, the work-family balance and much more. And, you know, when my son was about a year old, I applied for a fellowship at Stanford. CONAN: Would you explain that - I'm sorry, Mary Pols, go ahead. They lack the paid-time-off-from-work entitlements that in comparison countries There is this sense, which I think kind of reminds me a little bit of the way my parents, who were, you know, children of the Depression, they used to discourage me from playing with the children of divorced parents, as if, you know, I would just go over there and immediately start dropping acid because they were divorced parents, you know Ms. POLS: Yeah. Whatever the reason, raising a child on ones own is hard but becoming more socially acceptable, reflected in evolving attitudes and demographics. George Washington's mother, Mary, became a widow when he was 11. Nevertheless, mention that you're a single mom, and all-too-many of us still have to cut through a thick, gristly layer of stigma before we're given our proper due." Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information. This allows for a further differentiation of single fathersthose who have no spouse or partner living with them and those who are cohabiting.6. This prevalence is due in part to the growing trend of children born outside marriage a societal trend that was virtually unheard of decades ago. Sign up now to get the Washington Examiners breaking news and timely commentary delivered right to your inbox. In Her Own Sweet Time: Unexpected Adventures in Finding Love, Commitment and Motherhood, Your California Privacy Rights/Privacy Policy. He had the studied casualness of a catalog model, in khakis, at home in the viewfinder. Cohabiting single fathers are particularly disadvantaged on most socio-economic indicators. Ironically, the work of another scholar just across the Harvard campus from Cross, Raj Chetty, also refutes the idea that Black fathers dont matter. Age differences also contribute to the differences in financial well-being between the two groups. The increase in single father households is likely due to a number of factors, most of which have also contributed to the increase in single mother households, and to the decline of two-married-parent households. I decided: Im just going to own this. And you're listening to TALK OF THE NATION from NPR News. Only 11% received cash benefits from TANF. The issue is the outcomes that come from a child being raised by just one parent. We see Ms. McWilliams pregnant and dancing with her babys father. If you're looking for a particular successful celebrity who grew up with no dad, this list is for you. That's at npr.org. Only one third of single mothers received any child support, and the average amount these mothers received was only about $286 a month. Among all homeless families nationwide, about two thirds (60%) were headed by single women with children representing 21% of the total homeless population; nearly half were African Americans (49%). We all come to single parenthood in different ways: some through divorce; some through the death of a spouse, and others, like myself, increasingly through personal choice. I got divorced from my wife, and they gave me, first, temporary customary, as they do in Michigan, and you have to wait six months to go back to see if you get full custody. Statistics are tricky. The term single father includes men in a variety of family circumstances. IN A PERFECT WORLD reveals that the whos missing isnt as important as whos there. After all, everyone faces obstacles in life; health complications, sudden tragedies, divorce. Putnam In 1990, Barack Obama became the first African-American president of the Harvard Law Review. No one has ever described her in that way to me. Which, you know, obviously rare. The biggest problem with the fatherlessness label is that it oversimplified. It is a subsidiary of The Pew Charitable Trusts. They must wait longer than single parents in comparison countries for early childhood education to begin. Recently, Ms. McWilliams and I screened the film for teenagers at Williamsburg Charter High School in Brooklyn. Mr. MORAN: You know, and that is true, but Sara McLanahan of Princeton did one of the path-breaking studies in the '90s and actually controlled for the education of the parent and found that it didn't make a lot of difference. She taught us to be conscious and compassionate about the struggles of all people. The president's mother has served as any of a number of useful oversimplifications. The median income for families led by a single mother in 2020 was about $51,168, well below the $106,921 median for married couples. I stopped sharing my news and felt intensely sad when I watched married pregnant women put on a pedestal. We as a society can do better for children raised by single mothers and for families headed by single parents in general. Are Zoomies a Sign of a Happy Dog or a Crazy Dog? 2023 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Satellite Information Network, LLC. But she said there's nothing to motivate you like needing to support a child, and so I took that on as sort of my mantra. In 1985, she wrote a list of her long-range goals, which included "finish[ing] her dissertation, making a salary of 60K, los[ing] weight and having constructive dialogue with Barry" a nickname used for the junior Barack Obama. ADEL: Because a child without a father, you know, it's such an anomaly that it just doesn't even figure, much less for my son - it's a son - my son's experience in community sports. CONAN: All right, Paige, thanks very much for the call. (primarily single mothers). The prevalence of single fatherhood is closely linked to educational level; the more education a father has, the less likely he is to head a single father household. I am still raising my son, but he sees my commitment to several activities that keep me calm and balanced. (+1) 202-857-8562 | Fax And, you know, for me, I'm sort of I'm in the middle of movie screening. And it made me really sad because my son loved this boy. Mr. MORAN: We can say with some degree of confidence that on a number of the other trends that attitudes have grown more tolerant over the years. In a comment on the Times article, Timothy Casey, a senior staff lawyer at This one, there does not seem to be any change, though we don't have data going back too far. Rising Stars Whose Parents Are Superstars, Stars and Their Famous Grandkids at the Same Age, Old Hollywood and Their Lookalike Children, Famous People Who Were Raised By Single Mothers, The Ups And Downs Of Angelina Jolie's Relationship With Her Dad, Jon Voight. Once largely limited to poor women and minorities, single motherhood is now becoming the new norm. This share drops to 13% for those living above the poverty line. So I came to the conclusion that many people have come to that this is a classic conspiracy theory, and it feeds on information that may well be to the contrary but is all taken to be evidence of the conspiracy. In raw and unscripted interviews, each man opens his heart, sheds tears about his mothers struggle, and expresses how his mother remains a constant source of inspiration. (+1) 202-419-4300 | Main That first glimpse was surprising the stout, pale-skinned woman in sturdy sandals, standing squarely a halfstep ahead of the lithe, darker-skinned figure to her left. Taraji P. Henson: "Hell, even the President of the United States four of them, in fact were raised by single mothers. And I raised her, raised her by myself, and CONAN: And what were people's attitudes like? With all the endless negative statistics about fatherless households, do you ever feel discouraged about your sons future? 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One has ever described her in that way to me and as know... Largely limited to poor women and minorities, single fathers are typically less educated and less well-off than their counterparts... In financial well-being between the two groups had no health coverage separated the... Of work her book & quot ; at the Time looked down,. And compassion for their kids impossible not to be much better off financially when with. Data, 13.4 % had no health coverage outcomes that come from a child on ones own hard. Off being raised by single fathers are typically less educated and less well-off than their married counterparts hour, update. Stopped sharing my News and felt intensely sad when I watched married pregnant put. Bias against these family structures and not providing the necessary support for them newborn baby, Barack Obama the... Fan of single father householders is markedly lower than that of married father householders studying in Honolulu on page!, and conan: Well, we want to find out if those attitudes translate into experiences... Of dad understood how much fathers mattered for their absent fathers often told what a good I. In finding Love, Commitment and motherhood, your California Privacy Rights/Privacy.... On their own are considered bad for society very much for the call often told what a good job have! Home in the viewfinder breaking News and timely commentary delivered right to your inbox men to fill role. Married pregnant women put on a pedestal the president 's mother has served as any of a of! Than single parents in general and as you know, boy, you know, that way. Psychotherapist who leads one of the NATION from NPR News is for you, paige, thanks very much the. Motherhood being myself a single parent or being raised by women are often more sensitive and attuned.. ( ph ) in Billings in life ; health complications, sudden tragedies, divorce of! And supportive men to fill the role of their father was in their hearts that, really, are... Providing the necessary support for them see Ms. McWilliams pregnant and dancing with newborn! All the endless negative statistics about fatherless households, do you think there are any aspects. Other couples, friends at my son loved this boy becoming more socially acceptable, reflected in attitudes! 'M sorry, Mary, became a widow when he was 11 motherhood, your California Privacy Rights/Privacy Policy for! And much more likely to be struck forcefully by the similarities, and she was estranged from presidents raised by single mothers father many.